Those words that are unspoken
by Maegfen
Summary: Some things are better left unsaid. Some, on the other hand, need to be heard. Lisbon/Jane, a bit of angst, a bit of something else... these guys really have got some issues to work through! Spoilers up to 5x16.
1. Chapter 1

Summary: Some things are better left unsaid. Some, on the other hand, need to be heard.

Disclaimer: The Mentalist doesn't belong to me, but I am willing to look after Jane if Lisbon becomes fed up with him...

Warnings: Some swearing, some sexual content, some meaningful looks (you know the ones)

Spoilers: Up to 5x16 - There Will Be Blood, but only vaguely referenced

AN: This piece represents a lot of firsts for me; first Mentalist fic, first M rated fic, first fic in a long time that I haven't talked myself out of posting. After nearly 5 years of not posting anything, I seem to have been bitten by the bug, so there **may** be more on way. You never know! My skills are a little bit rusty, so any constructive feedback would be awesome.

Also, I have no idea where this came from, I just know the idea wouldn't go away. It's unbetaed, so any mistakes are my own!

Hope you enjoy!

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The knock on the door was unwelcome, but not unexpected. She'd figured he'd have left it about 2 minutes after her abrupt departure from the attic to follow her and make his way across to her condo. She'd barely put her keys in the bowl by the entrance when he'd arrived.

She briefly thought about refusing to open the door, letting him stew outside while she went about her evening routine, but she knew that he'd more than likely pick the lock and get in anyway. She sighed and went to open the door, steeling herself for the inevitable storm that was to follow.

He had the grace to look at least a little apologetic as he stood on the other side of the door. He briefly ran his hand through his hair, the blond curls seeming to reflect the harsh porch light next to him. He moved as if to say something, then decided against it. He took a breath and tried again.

"Good evening Lisbon." He didn't even attempt to smile at her.

"Jane." She kept her tone clipped; she didn't want him anywhere near her.

"Can I come in?" He'd already started to move beyond the threshold of the door. His rudeness just seemed to heighten her annoyance with him.

"Sure," she said, closing the door with a little more force than necessary, "do what you want, you will anyway."

He froze, his back to her and he seemed to tense, as if realising that maybe, _**maybe**_, he had pushed her too far this time. He slowly turned to face her, but she walked past him and headed towards her kitchen.

He seemed to want to follow her, but she just pointed at him.

"Stay there."

Her back was to him as she reached for the kettle. She was not having this conversation without coffee. Lisbon filled the kettle and turned it on, reaching for a mug as she did so. She didn't bother getting a cup out for Jane, he wouldn't be staying long. She took in a deep breath, her knuckles gripping the edge of the counter until they turned white; the tap beside her slowly dripped and she concentrated on the noise to help calm herself down… _drip drip drip… drip drip drip. _Standing up straight, she turned to head back into the living room while waiting for the water to boil.

"Look Lisbon, I wanted to apologise for…"

She didn't even let him finish. She looked up at him, anger in her eyes and her words laced with fury.

"You really can't help yourself can you? Even after everything we've been through you still think it's perfectly acceptable to lie to my face."

"I…I'm not lying, not about this."

"Save the 'holier than thou' bullshit Jane. You don't want to apologise. You want to plead with me because I threatened to kick you off the team. Because you know that means you'll never have a hope of reaching Lennon, and you'll never have a chance to kill Red John."

When he didn't reply, she knew she'd hit the nail on the head. For all his charm and arrogance he was becoming incredibly easy to read.

The tension and anger that had simmered within her since the incident this morning had reached boiling point. She felt so much frustration at him and his actions, so much anger at his abuse of her feelings. Suddenly, the love she felt for him seemed to dissipate, replaced by a loathing so deep that she couldn't stand the sight of him.

She moved quickly, coming to stand in front of him before Jane even realised her intentions. Lisbon briefly thought that she looked like some sort of mad woman, but it didn't really matter; he'd seen her act crazy in this room before, many years ago. She wanted to hit him, draw blood, make him feel the anger and hurt that coursed through her at that very minute. Her words were punctuated with sharp jabs to his chest with her finger.

"You stupid, self-serving son of a bitch!" She had wanted to scream at him, but the words came out slowly, with a maliciousness even she hadn't expected. She figured she probably sounded like another brunette he used to know. He'd probably like that.

"I…I didn't mean to…"

"Shut up, _Jane_." The words came out with a sneer. "Just shut up. You did mean it. You knew exactly what you were doing. You planned every single little part of it, weighed up all the odds, knew every possible outcome to your scheme."

He stood there like the proverbial fish out of water, and she took some sense of satisfaction that she had managed to make Patrick Jane speechless for the first time in years.

"I've known you long enough and well enough to know what would happen. I _knew_ this would happen the minute we had that damn conversation in Davis. It was just a matter of time. I just didn't realise you would do it so publically," she had stopped poking him now, her hands clenched at her side. Jane stared at her, for once in his life knowing better than to make a comment. The kettle boiled in the kitchen, but she ignored it; she needed to speak her mind.

"Did you enjoy it Jane? Did you enjoy parading my feelings around the room, making everyone pity me? My heart was on my sleeve and you ripped it off and stamped all over it. For what? A game of one-upmanship with some no bit politicians? I always knew you were cruel and vindictive Jane, but I had no idea you would stoop so low. I should have listened to you when you said that you would stop at nothing to catch him."

"That wasn't my intention at all; you must know that surely…"

"Know it? How could I possibly know anything about you anymore Jane? You've been holed up in that attic like a hermit for the six weeks since _**she**_ died; only deigning us with your presence for the occasional smartass comment and to run your ridiculous schemes. You've been a complete stranger to me since you decided to trust the mistress of a serial killer more than me."

She did hit him then, punching him solidly in the chest. Jane didn't react, just stood there taking the punishment. She continued to strike him, pounding his chest with the balls of her fists. There was no real weight behind them, but it was the only thing she could do to stop herself breaking down.

"You knew how I felt. You _**knew**_! I didn't expect anything in return Jane; I was coping with how things were. I even managed to move past what you said when you shot me. It never affected my job, and Lord knows it never changed how I treated you. How could it? You didn't listen before and you certainly weren't going to pay attention after you found out. But it wasn't enough for you to forget was it? To put it into a room of your damn memory palace and leave it be. No, finding out how I felt just gave you another pawn for your game. An advantage to use as and when you needed it." She mimicked him, "_I can use this, draw Red John out, get revenge… screw the consequences, screw poor little Lisbon's feelings."_

Jane moved quickly, grabbing her wrists mid-strike. Lisbon saw that something had changed in his eyes; before they had been full of shame, but now, _**now**_ they looked angry and she knew her own eyes were likely reflecting the same at him.

"Stop." If his eyes hadn't betrayed his fury with her, the tone of his voice certainly would have. It seemed that Teresa Lisbon had not been the only one dancing on a dangerous knife edge. The one word he uttered caused shivers to run down her spine.

Jane still held her wrists, and he pulled them closer to his chest, instinctively drawing her nearer. She stood taller, determined not to back down, her eyes glaring at his own. He almost growled at her and pushed her backwards, and she stifled a gasp as her back forcefully hit the wall. He stood to his full height, towering over her, his grip iron tight on her wrists. His moved his head closer to hers, his face mere inches away from her own. When he spoke, his voice was low and full of intent.

"I would never, _**never**_, use you _**or**_ your feelings against you. You know that. You think you were showing me something new during that conversation in Davis?" He scoffed, "I knew you loved me before you did. Saw it in your actions and your eyes every time you looked at me. And I said nothing. Did nothing. Never held it against you, never mentioned it. Because I knew you weren't aware of it. Knew you would view it as a weakness. I was protecting you."

He must have realised his error the moment he spoke the words, the panic crossing his face almost immediately. The fury reignited in her eyes and she managed to wrench her wrists free from where they were trapped between them. Lisbon placed her hands on his chest and shoved him, causing Jane to take a step back.

"I don't need protecting. Not by someone like you. I only need to be protected by people I can trust. And you wouldn't believe how far you are down that list at the moment Jane." She straightened her back and placed her hand on her hips. Jane mirrored the action facing her, his eyes dark and hooded. The tension in his shoulders was clear to see.

"How noble you must be to pretend not to know how I felt; to put such a _**burden**_ upon yourself for the greater good. Is that why you said what you did after Vegas? To give _poor little Lisbon_ a scrap bit of hope before everything went to shit? Because if that's the reason then you can just get out right now, because I have had enough of your arrogance and your bullshit and your pity to last a lifetime!"

"Of course that's not why I said it, you stupid woman." He moved quickly, grabbing her arms again and used the momentum coupled with her surprise at his speed to force her against the wall, pin her wrists above her head and crush his lips to hers.

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A/N: Don't worry, it doesn't end there, gotta earn that M rating somehow ;) Second and final chapter should be up tomorrow for you all. Feedback is again most welcome!


	2. Chapter 2

Summary: Some things are better left unsaid. Some, on the other hand, need to be heard.

Disclaimer: The Mentalist doesn't belong to me, but I am willing to look after Jane if Lisbon becomes fed up with him…

Warnings: Some swearing, some sexual content, a bit of angst … the usual fare when dealing with these two and their feelings.

Spoilers: Up to 5x16 – There Will Be Blood, but only vaguely referenced.

A/N: Ah, the dreaded M-rated second chapter. I hope all of you enjoy, even if it's just a little. My first attempt at any kind of smut, so fingers crossed it isn't too bad. A slight switch to more of Jane's POV in this chapter as well...

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Jane quickly realised that Lisbon wasn't responding to the kiss. In fact, she seemed to be trying to free herself from his grip. He stepped back slightly, her hands still trapped in his. He glared down at her, and he could tell she had not been impressed by his actions.

"I will not be a substitute for _**her**_ Jane," she growled, her voice sharp, "I am not stupid. I am not a mark to be played, a pawn for your games. I will not be used by you. At all! I'm not so blinded by my feelings for you that one kiss will make me forget what happened, that I'll just roll over and let you walk all over me again."

He looked at her then; studied her for the first time since that fateful conversation in the dark townhouse. He dropped her wrists, allowing her arms to swing aimlessly to her sides. Her fists clenched briefly, as if she was planning to strike him again, but she seemed to have resisted the urge. He had spotted something briefly in her eyes, though she had tried to hide it. A flicker of self-doubt, a look of jealousy, anger and of fear. He had to make her understand or their tentative hold on their relationship would shatter irreparably and they'd both be left alone to face the consequences.

He tried to keep himself composed, to remain rational, but it seemed that he could be none of those things with her at that moment. His voice sounded almost aggressive as he spoke, stepping forward inch by inch as he did so, closing the gap between them until she was once again trapped between himself and the wall.

"Damn it Lisbon," he stopped in front of her, daring her to break eye contact with him. "You have to be the most infuriating woman I have ever met! You aren't even listening to me are you?" He lifted his left hand to rest by the side of her head, his warm palm making contact with the cool brick of the wall. "You are not a mark. You are not a substitute for _**anyone**_," he emphasised, moving his right hand to mirror the left, surrounding her with his presence, "and you are certainly not going to be used by me. I believe I already told you that. You're just choosing to ignore me."

Her look was defiant, but he could see that she was struggling with herself, trying to make a decision. He knew what she needed. He couldn't make this final leap, she had to. He had taken so much from her over the course of their relationship, but he could give her this; should give her this. He took a breath. _Just a little push…_

"I think you like it…," he murmured, moving his lips to her ear, "I think you _**like**_ the idea holding all of the cards when it comes to this. You want the control, want the power. You love the fact that you can use me for cases, use me for insight and results but know you can just kick me to the curb if I go too far. You know how much power you have over me Lisbon. If anyone's using anyone, it's you…"

"Stop trying to read me you son of a bitch," she snarled, as she grabbed his jacket and pulled him closer, bringing his lips to hers in a bruising kiss.

There was no hesitation in his response. His mouth opened immediately under hers, his hands moving from the wall to hold the sides of her face as she clutched at his jacket. Neither of them held anything back. All the anger, frustration, pain and love from the last 10 years went into their kisses, each one growing more frenzied than the last. A dam had broken between them, the final straw had snapped and there was nothing to hold back the wave of emotions they both felt. Their argument had been the catalyst for something that had been in the offing for years, the final link in a chain of events that had brought them closer than Jane had ever believed possible. Nothing else mattered but the feel of each other lips on their own, as if it was the only way to communicate what they had actually been trying to say for the last half an hour.

Their kisses were brutal, Lisbon nipping at his lower lip at every opportunity, seemingly taking pleasure from hearing him gasp at the pain. He returned the favour, leaning into her and then deepened the kiss, pushing himself closer.

Jane grinned against Lisbon's lips as he heard her groan, and he moved one of his hands to her waist. His fingers tickled her ribs, gliding up and down her side as they kissed. Lisbon shivered as he pushed closer, letting her feel the hardness of his arousal against her stomach through his slacks. He moved his lips from hers, instead planting rough kisses on her throat, moving up to a spot just behind her ear that made her moan. He could hear her shuddering breaths as she vied for control of herself, probably realising what the hell she was doing and just _who _she was doing it with. Lisbon released his jacket, her fists clenched once more, ready to lash out. He caught the movement and took both her wrists again, pinning them to the wall in the same position his own hands had been in minutes before. Lisbon groaned again and dragged her lips away from his.

Her voice was thick with arousal and Jane could see that her lips were red and full from their kisses. Both of them were panting hard in the quiet of the house.

"Let go of my damn wrists Jane or so help me…"

He complied immediately, grinning again as Lisbon instantly grabbed his hair and dragged him down for another brutal kiss. She was still crushed against the wall, and Jane had no hesitation in using his position to his advantage. While Lisbon's hands were otherwise occupied, his own worked on removing the button up shirt she was wearing. Lisbon realised what he was doing and moved her hands from his hair to his jacket. All of a sudden they were not close enough, and every piece of clothing between them was just an obstacle to what they both needed.

Suddenly, her lips moved quickly from his own, the urgency in her voice apparent as she spoke.

"I don't want a pity fuck Jane…" Her voice broke slightly, and his heart, normally so closed off, seemed to shatter just a little. _What had he done to her?_

"Never," he replied, dragging his teeth across her collarbone, "could never pity you Lisbon. You mean too much…"

She gasped at his admission, as if knowing that despite the cold-hearted façade he occasionally hid behind with her, he was worthy of her trust, of her love. The world seemed to tilt between them… too much had been shared now to ever go back to the land of deniability.

They couldn't move quickly enough. Lips still locked together, Jane succeeded in undoing her shirt and removing it, while his own jacket and vest followed, thrown half-heartedly behind him as Lisbon remained pinned to the wall. His shirt was half undone as he drew her jeans and underwear down her legs so quickly that Lisbon gasped. She didn't return the favour as she slowly inched the zipper down on his slacks, knuckles grazing his erection and she chuckled as he groaned, eyes dark and hooded as he looked at her.

He took a deep, shuddering breath and growled a warning.

"Don't start games with me Teresa, I don't play fair."

He was done for as soon as she smirked at him. He reached for her, lifting her so her legs wrapped round his waist and her arms instinctively went round his neck. He could feel the heat emanating from her, and he gasped as she leaned in and scraped her teeth against his throat. Her breath was hot against his ear as she caught the lobe between her teeth and bit down. Not hard enough to draw blood but with enough force to know that if he didn't move very quickly, very soon, he was going to be in deep trouble.

"No games _Patrick,_" she emphasised his name as she whispered, her voice low and seductive in his ear, "just you and me. Now."

Jane didn't need telling twice. He reached down, and after fumbling for a couple of seconds, managed to force both his slacks and his boxers down past his knees. He was still holding her up, her back against the wall, and he was trying so hard not to take her there and then. He knew he should stop, should probably move them to somewhere more comfortable, but it seemed fitting. It was nothing like his time with _her. _That had been meticulously planned, a necessary evil. But this, _**this**_ was him and Lisbon down to a tee. Passionate, spontaneous, their actions so full of love and anger and frustration that he didn't know if he could hold anything of himself back.

She leaned in to kiss him, seeming to sense that he was losing himself in his thoughts. The world tilted again as her lips met his. The frenzied embraces from before were long gone, the anger dissolved into something else, something that they had both been avoiding for so long. They both sighed as Jane lowered her slightly and pushed slowly into her. He stilled immediately, resting his forehead on hers, overwhelmed by the feeling that this was finally happening.

She tightened her legs around him, digging her heels into him, urging him to move, to do _something. _He chuckled and kissed her then, and slowly began to move, settling into a steady but relentless rhythm. Lisbon's hands were everywhere; running down his arms, across his back, through his hair. Her lips melded against his, tongues matching the rhythm of his thrusts; deep, slow, powerful.

His lips touched every part of her that he could reach. Her bra was still on, but he didn't think he could concentrate enough to remove it now. It didn't matter, he could investigate every inch of her later if she'd let him. He kissed her chest, her collar, her throat, not caring if he left marks or bruises, knowing that she was giving him a set of his own.

Lisbon's gasps urged him on, gave him focus as he tried to draw out their pleasure for as long as he could. He reveled in the feeling of being surrounding by her, filling her, teasing her, loving her with every stoke that he made. He watched as she closed her eyes to the pleasure, her mouth open as her breaths echoed through the room.

One of her arms had settled round his shoulder, pulling him as close to her as she could, while the other hand rested in his hair, pulling on the curls every time he entered her. He kissed her once, twice, drawing out a moan before resting his head in the crook of her neck, concentrating on the deep thrusts he was making. He could feel a bead of sweat form at his hairline, and he shuddered as she kissed it away.

They moved quickly towards completion, and Jane soon felt her begin to clench around him. He sped up, knowing that he was not far behind… the tension and relief between them was too much to hold them back. She looked beautiful as she reached her peak, crying out his name as she came. Jane had no option but to follow her over the edge. He held onto her, pulling her close as he released into her, and he whispered anything and everything that ran through his head into her ears, remembering nothing as he tried to express everything he felt for her in one single moment.

He kept her pinned to the wall as their breathing and heart rates slowed, resting his forehead against hers, but he soon released her and groaned as she slowly slid down his body, his legs trembling as she stood in front of him; hair messed, lips red and looked thoroughly dishevelled.

She reached for him again, pulling him closer for a sweet kiss, while seemingly trying to take off his shirt. He let her remove it, and nearly grabbed her again as she wrapped it around her own body, doing up a couple of buttons. Lisbon lent over and pulled up her panties, but didn't put her jeans back on. Smiling at him almost shyly, she moved across the room, appearing to head towards the couch. She motioned for him to follow her. He tried to, but almost tripped over as he realised his slacks and boxers were still around his ankles. Lisbon laughed at the sight of him attempting to pull up his trousers and underwear while trying to move across a room to join her.

He eventually got himself sorted and reached the couch. He sat down, happy to take some weight off his weary knees and he noticed that Lisbon seemed tense as she sat next to him. They hadn't said anything in so long, their actions speaking louder than any words could, but Jane could tell the moment that self-doubt reappeared in her mind. He reached for her, pulling her across to him so that she leant against his chest. He closed his eyes, breathing in her scent; cinnamon and apple and sex, and he knew then what he had to say.

"I meant it you know," he whispered. "I meant what I said after Vegas." He couldn't see her face, but he suspected that she had shut her eyes too at his words.

"I know," she replied, pausing before continuing. "And I wouldn't kick you off the team out of spite. You know that right?"

He tried to pull her even closer then, arms wrapped round her, holding onto her as if she was the lifeline he knew deep down she was.

"I know. I'm sorry about today, truly. I let my frustration get the better of me and dragged your name into the ring unnecessarily." She nodded against his chest in understanding, and he hoped, in forgiveness. "And," he continued, "I wouldn't _**ever**_ consider using you, your feelings or anything between us to lure _**him**_ out of hiding. I couldn't. I don't think I'd survive if he took you too. That's why I wanted to protect you. I can't lose you."

She smiled and turned slightly to plant a short kiss on his lips.

"I know. I understand. But remember you're not the only one who's in danger of losing someone. I wouldn't survive either." She left the unsaid words hang between them, knowing he would understand. It was a dangerous path they were both on, and they might stand a chance of making it through to the end of it if they could just work together. There were still some issues they needed to work on, but he knew they were finally on the same page again.

He didn't reply, just nodded and rested his head against hers. They sat on the couch for a while, both of them starting to doze off, before Lisbon finally stood up and headed towards the kitchen. He looked up at her: his friend, partner, lover and everything in between, smiling as his shirt rode up her thighs as she reached into the cupboard over the sink. She turned around to him and grinned, a question on her lips.

"Tea?" she asked, waving the cup at him inquiringly.

It was an offer he couldn't refuse.

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A/N 2.0:

Well, there it is: the end of my first Mentalist and M-rated fic. Thank you to all who made it this far for reading! I had a bit of an internal debate when I re-read this chapter today before I posted. I ended up adding more and re-writing parts to try and make sense of their actions in relation to the argument… hopefully I pulled it off, but I certainly found it a challenge!

Constructive feedback is always welcome!


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